Love Month – Day 4

I love memories.

My mom has Alzheimer’s.

Most of the real world does not compute with her these days. I could have been there to visit her for an hour and totally update her on my life, and five minutes after I leave my sister, who saw me in the parking lot, says “Did you enjoy your visit with Kim?” and Mom will say “I haven’t seen her in ages.”

Last week Mom’s best friend lost her daughter.

We lived next door to her when this daughter was born. Mom gave Amy her first bath – Amy was Donna’s first child and Mom, with four already born, walked her through how you bathe a babe. Donna has been in our lives consistently since.

We don’t tell Mom when people die anymore. That was something that earlier in the disease process she lost mentally and when you’d remind her someone had died, she would be devastated and wonder why we kept it from her.

She had not only known they died, but has been the friend and family member that walked with people through the good and especially the terrible times. You’d tell her she had been there every step of the waytheough their illness, but she couldn’t remember so didn’t believe us.

We didn’t tell Mom Amy had died.

We all knew how devastated Mom would be if she was cognizant of the fact she couldn’t be here to help her friend through this hortible time.

Donna went by to see Mom last week, a few days after Amy died.

Mom still remembers those closest to her most of the time, but increadingly forgets names or gets a bit confused. She is pretty good with her five kids, but a bit sketchy with everyone else. (She knows no names of the staff or other patients at the memory care facility where she has lived for three years.)

Anyway, last week when Donna visited, Mom saw her and immediately smiled and said “Donna!” She not only remembered her name, but was more animated than she has been lately.

It made Donna’s day. Even in her current state and not knowing the situation Donna is going through, in this small way Mom was able to comfort her.

Seeing Mom lose most memories has made me treasure mine all the more. Mom may not remember calling me on every birthday and singing to me, but I can. She may not remember the friends and family members that shaped our lives, but I do. These memories continually remind me who she was – who we all are.

Invest in those things you love. I’m investing in memories.

“Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.” — Lucy Maud Montgomery