Sweetness and Sorrow Mixed

“Life is short, but wide.”

– Rebecca Wells “Divine Sisters of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”

When I woke up this morning I meant to stay home most of the day and do a little housecleaning. Anyone who knows me understands this is a rare occurrence. The housecleaning never got done. It turned out to be a day of choosing the important rather than the things that really don’t matter.

I have a group of girlfriends who have been together since 2002. Well, many of us were together before that, but that’s when we came together as one. We have had some ladies leave and others join, but a core group of us have been banded together as a unit since that day.

We remember the date because my friend Debbie started the group in June of that year. It was her birthday month and she wanted a celebration with some of our favorite ladies.

The movie “The Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood” had come out and Debbie decided that would be the theme. That lunch was such a great time – and that group of ladies continued to get together. It was a diverse group, but most of us were local businesswomen. Not the kind that get petty, but the type that support each other and celebrate when each other does well.

It wasn’t a fluke – we have supported each other for many years. We would attend events that were led by others in the group. We sent off one member to Texas when she moved after retirement. Several of the rest of us retired, while others went back to school to start new careers. We saw our two youngest members marry and have babies, one ending years of infertility with the birth of triplet daughters and then a few years later a surprise son. We have gone from baby showers to celebrating these kids as they grow up.

We became family.

We have an ongoing message thread. It can be dormant for weeks, then explode in conversation. Even if we go months without getting together, there is caring, concern, and a desire to know what’s going on with each other.

September 25 one of my YaYas mentioned something in our group message. She was in the hospital due to some stomach issues and told us she had a pancreatic mass. On October 1 she told us she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer.

We barely had time to adjust to the idea, but this dear friend trudged on. It was the 50th anniversary of our local balloon festival and she both attended the party on Thursday and was with her nephew and his wife there Saturday afternoon. I missed both, but some of our other YaYas got to see her and spend time with her. They said she was beautiful, feisty, and she was ready to fight.

Monday (yesterday) one of our YaYas got a message from our dear friend’s husband. It was our friend was in hospice and her time on earth is short. Cancer had traveled to her brain. Her oncologist told her husband how rare that is – she has never seen it.

I have been numb quite a bit. In denial. It didn’t seem like it was real. I’m the type of person that tries to be careful when families are going through times like this. I’m personally the type that often holes up when sick, so get confused what to do for others. I didn’t think we’d be able to see her.

But the woman her husband called went this morning. When she told us, several asked if we could visit, too. She messaged him. He said yes. I was surprised, but sprung into action. In minutes I was showered and dressed. One of my friends called and said she was on her way and would come by and pick me up.

Four of us arrived at the same time, with another arriving about 10 minutes later. We walked into the room and it was full. All three of our friend’s sisters and two of her nieces were there with our friend’s husband.

He smiled when he saw us and hugged us all. The sisters and nieces went for a walk. We stayed with our precious friend (who appears asleep) and her dear husband. We all spoke to her. We stood around her bed with her husband and told stories. There were tears and laughter.

The nurses came to turn her and we moved to the hallway to continue to hear the story he was telling about their past few days (it’s a sad one). When we came back in, the rest of the family came in, too. We met the sisters and the nieces. There was lots of hugging. Lots of stories being told. Lots of love for our friend.

It’s not fair, right? We should have had our friend able to see us meet this family that has loved her for so long and them meet this friend group they have heard about over the years. Still, I do believe in providence. I have to trust the timing is perfect.

Her husband was told by multiple people this quick turnaround was a blessing. Pancreatic cancer is painful, but our friend only had a couple of painful days. It’s very hard for her husband, family, and for those of us who love her and just didn’t get enough time.

I’m purposely not giving her name because she was so private. Her husband has been told she will slip away today or tomorrow. She, like all my YaYa sisters, is tough and known to exceed expectations. She already has – her husband was told at the hospital she might not make it through the night Friday. She showed them.

She lived her life well. She made her mark on the world. She is well loved. She’s a part of us and we’re a part of her. I wasn’t sure whether we should go today, but what a sweet time it was. I hate the sadness and sorrow is there, too, but that’s because we will miss this lovely human.

We love you, my friend. Go in peace. We’ll be here remembering you. All our lives. You are a good gift.