The Shopping Gene

So it is December 22 and I haven’t really started my Christmas shopping….is anyone with me?  No, I didn’t think so.  The truth is that I evidently didn’t inherit the shopping gene. My mother has it.  My sisters have it.  My girlfriends have it…..well other than my friend Marina.  It’s our little joke.  One of us will say “Let’s go shopping” and then we pause to see how long it takes the other one to giggle. We have gone shopping together on occasion….it just doesn’t last long. It consists more of eye rolls than anything else and within the hour we’re usually through.

I really, really hate command buying.  Birthdays, Christmas….you waiting for the perfect gift?  Keep waiting….it’s not going to come from me.  If I remember….and that is doubtful…I will pick the wrong thing.  Yes, it just may be painful.  For us both.  Receiving a bad gift is bad, but knowing you gave it is horrible.  
I have friends who are awesome at this.  My friend Debbie bought me a bike for my birthday this year.  A pink bike with foot brakes.  She has heard me talk about my love for foot brakes (and fear of hand brakes) ever since we have known each other.  She has been on the lookout….because she knew while I wanted one, I would not have the patience to shop for one.  She had looked long enough that her then fiancé/now husband even knew I wanted one.  He found it and told her about it and they delivered it the day before my birthday….with cupcakes and other gifts, too.  She’s that kind of friend…. always on the lookout for the perfect gift for those she loves (or even those she has just met!). From me she just may get dinner….if I remember!

Yes, I will also forget your birthday.  I usually remember the birthdays of my siblings and my parents, but beyond that my brain won’t hold dates.  It has reached capacity.  So yeah, unless Facebook reminds me or you do, I won’t remember. That includes the precious nieces and nephews and godchildren.  Love them as I do, my brain is a sieve for those important dates. I believe my sister Deryn inherited my memory chip. Yeah, she remembers them all. In fact, she even remembers the approximate birth date and ages of the kids of friends of mine she has never met. I think perhaps it is to vex me. It’s nuts, I tell you! I think she exercises her mind the way an Olympic athlete exercises their body. So if you want you or your child to get gifts, invite me to the party. Then remind me the day before. Or tell Deryn. The good news is that I am pretty good about buying gifts for the average child when I remember to do it. Nerf, Barbies, Play-Doh….I know where to find them!  If you like these things, I just may be able to find a gift for you, too!
I am grateful that Debbie and Deryn are in my life. Deryn constantly reminds me of gifts I need to buy, so sometimes the kids have no clue that their big day is like a foreign language to my brain. Debbie lets me deliver her gifts to the triplets of our friend Mandy. They have great memories of the lovely gifts Miss Debbie has given them. I plan to answer to “Miss Debbie” for the rest of my life whenever they are around. So maybe it’s wrong….I’m a sinner.

So far this year I have bought things for an angel tree kid at church, pajamas for a couple of senior citizens, some “not shoebox, but sack” gifts for our church’s mission trip. All done because of deadlines.Not one gift for my family, regardless of the impending deadline. I suspect the kids will be taken care of before Christmas, but the adults? It probably won’t happen. And yes, that includes the parents!  I won’t make any excuses, because thankfully they will understand. I am really being kind. They won’t get that bad gift they will have to pretend to like. Or give back! The life of one related to the genetically deficient.


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