On Growing Positive Relationships and Getting Rid of the Negative Ones

I’ve always been pretty good at picking friends.

The fact that I still have close friends from elementary school and even more from high school and college, shows that I like to keep people in my life.

Some of these folks I may only talk to on occasion, and see less than that, but when we get together the bond resumes like we were never apart.

These people stay in my life because they know me well and like me. They also respect me. I feel the same about them.

I’m quite laid back in my friendships, but I am also also an idealist. There are certain things I demand as my due when I consider someone close friends.

Quite frankly, I don’t think my standards are very high. I want to be friends who know who I am at my core and respect me for it. I want them to consider my needs on occasion and not base our relationship only on their own.

Somd folks don’t have the capacity to do this. Sometimes you understand why, and other times you just don’t. I keep some of these people in my life because they are pleasant company, knowing they will never be the kind of friend that I can count on beyond a certain level. They are friends with limits.

But others? Those who don’t even appear to want me around? Those who make interactions difficult? Those who don’t respect me for the good I being to the relationship? Why would I keep them in my life?

I’m admittedly sensitive about my friendships sometimes. It goes back to being an idealist.

I’m a good friend. I don’t doubt this about myself. I’m not always an easy friend. I say the hard things, though I try to only say them once. Sometimes I fail at this and need to be reminded we’ve already discussed it. That typically shuts me up immediately. I’m loyal, though not always traditional.

I enjoy people and enjoy life and want those in my life to be good humans.

The friends I tend to collect appreciate who I am, and love me despite any flaws (and we all have them.)

When you constantly feel as though you’re not appreciated or respected or even like? When you feel people expect you to perform to their unreasonable standards? When you are loyal to others and they are not loyal to you? When they don’t notice when you’re struggling, or notice and don’t seem to care?

They’re not your friend.

You can mourn the relationship, but there comes a point where you’re allowed to give up. It’s unhealthy to maintain relationships with those who hurt you constantly.

Let them go. If they notice, it’s probably only because they have lost an outlet for passive-aggressive, of even just aggressive, behavior. If they don’t feel loss of not being in your life? They’re not people you need in it.

What’s interesting is those we release are those we care about the most. If we didn’t care about them, we could let them float away without much thought. Instead you’ll probably mourn the death of the relationship. But what else could you do? They were past the point of resuscitation – and you certainly tried to keep them breathing.

It’s kinder to let them go.

The thing about pruning is overall it makes for a better garden, but sometimes it takes a lot of work. A garden should be beautiful.