Jobless – Part 17

Today I cried.

It’s been a year and ten days since I last worked and today feels like the toughest hit. Most days it’s been relatively easy. I have felt mentally prepared through this whole process and very aware that God is in control. I still know that, though I’m feeling quite exasperated at the moment.

I thought I had found it. A job that would give me work I enjoyed and could do well, the kind of corporate culture that is important to me, pay and benefits that were good, management I liked, and I would work at home so wouldn’t have to uproot my life.

The penny in the picture was outside my car when I came out of the in-person interview with them. A found penny is supposed to be good luck. No, I’m not superstitious about such things, but it had made me smile. I felt like this job was right.

I had been waiting for what I hoped would be an offer. I talked to the recruiter this morning and got the bad news. It was the same old “they really liked you, but don’t think you’d like the job.”

This confused me, as the job presented to me sounded great.

As we talked, it got more confusing. It seems like the job we talked about these past two months, that I thought I was interviewing for, is no longer what they are filling. I have no idea when this changed, but it was never mentioned in my in-person or phone interviews I had with them in the past two weeks. All of the questions directed to me were about this specific job description, We discussed it at length.

Another job, one that I would not enjoy and probably would not be one where they would be able to hit my lowest salary point, is what they say they are looking for now.

They’d specifically the reason they were hiring was they needed my skill level in their mix and thus the need to hire for this new job. At what point did that change? The recruiter didn’t know.

Once again, I invested my time and resources and hope. But no job has come of it.

There is nothing that I can put my finger on that I can change. and no one has given any negative feedback that I can consider and decide what can be done better. This process makes you question yourself and your ability to read people and interpret what they tell you. It also makes you wonder if the person you look at in the mirror is what everyone else sees….and what is lacking.

I’m tired, And my attitude is getting bad. And today I am angry – which we all know is simply hurt in disguise.

The idealist in me is frustrated that the whole hiring process is so broken. Having the additional stigma of being out of work for a full year doesn’t help.

I’ll be fine. I was reading the Sermon on the Mount this weekend and reminded of the folly of worrying about things such as where I’ll be living, and what we’ll be wearing, and what we’ll be eating. I’m not a huge worrier and that’s not really my emotion now, but I know I certainly have to guard against it. I have no doubt that the basics will be provided and life will continue to be an adventure. But then there’s that unknown. I hate living with it.

I’m just tired of this process. And discouraged. And wondering what else I can do that I haven’t already done.

I keep,hoping to write the last chapter of this saga, But this is real life and I am not the only one going through this. I’m heathy, am still not in debt, and am able to relocate. I haven’t had to touch my retirement account yet, and I will work hard so I don’t. I constantly remind myself I have more options than most and for this I remain grateful.

But it’s hard sometimes anyway.

I’ll allow myself a little recovery time and work at it harder. Tomorrow is another day of unemployment, but also another day of life. All in all, I’ll take it.


  1. I read your writings about your journey of seeking employment. Kim, it is such a different world we live in. Bosses and managers are young and educated differently than when we were growing up. Their ideas, management and supervisory skills are new age. Not old school like us. They are younger than us. Old enough to be our kids and grandkids. Some have no common sense skills and old school methods don’t exist. When I moved to Charlotte, I received a great paying job at the law firm working for the managing partner. The staff were in my age range and they could see I was old school and hired me on the spot. This was my last job until I retired in 2011. I believe you will find that perfect job that will hopefully see you through. Love you and cheering you on. During your off time, we would love to have you come for a visit at our B&B. Let’s check our schedules.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Another great article… what about freelance writing for a newspaper or magazine? If I hear anything that sounds promising I’ll be sure and send you the information…best of luck in the future… Sherrill Godfrey

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Taking recovery time is a good idea. So is doing something nice for yourself. Looking for employment can be a frustrating and fully disheartening job. It makes us start to question our worth and our value when faced with consistent rejection.

    I’m sorry the job you thought was such a good fit turned out not to be, sorry they changed things up on you without communicating that clearly. It was most unfair.

    I believe, though, that something good is coming.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Em. I’m basically a believer if a job is meant to be mine, they won’t be able to help giving it to me – but boy I thought this one was it. I’m going to a show and dinner tomorrow night with a friend, and the next day is my mom’s birthday. I’ve been making sure throughout this time that I keep the joy in the days. Most days I am good at it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post and I can totally relate to what you’re going through. I was laid off 7 months ago and unemployment ran out last month. What’s really discouraging is that I’m not getting many interviews, and I have a lot of experience and qualifications. Probably too much. I fear my age is working against me. Although I only have 10 years of experience on my resume, they can tell my age range when they look at my website. It’s frustrating that applying for jobs is so impersonal now. Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What’s really discouraging is that our age is a liability and not an asset. If that is a factor, and now I’m figuring it is, it’s short-sighted in the business world. Unemployment in NC is only 12 weeks. That’s mot long enough with today’s hiring cycle. Good luck Heidi!


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